Overwhelmed

Does anyone ever have an overwhelming sense of doom? Earlier today I had one and it freaked me out. I had maybe a minor panic attack? I just all of a sudden had this feeling that something horrible had happened to Kayla. My heart started pounding and I started to cry. Then I had to tell myself to just breathe and to calm down, that everything is fine.

Maybe it's due to the fact that a member of my family lost their husband this past wknd after 3 weeks of marriage. I don't ever want to know what that is like - if I lost my husband our whole family would be lost. My husband is our rock. My husband and my children are my world and I don't know what I'd do if I were to ever lose them.

Maybe it's due to the fact that I have another colonoscopy coming up this summer. It's not until July, but I stress about it every single day. I hate it. And it scares me. I'm always afraid of what the dr. will find - will this be the one that detects colon cancer?

I know I worry way too much - always worrying about something or other. I know I shouldn't. But I am afraid to not worry, if that makes sense. I'm afraid that as soon as I let my guard down then something awful will happen.

May is Here

May 1st - Columbia's Slimdown Challenge has begun! Oh I hope I can lose at least 20 lbs by August 1st when the challenge ends...and keep losing after that. I've downloaded an app that will help me track my calories. I've just got to be disciplined to enter what I eat and to exercise. I've stopped running b/c I got sick with a nasty cough. I think I'm getting better...so may try to Jazzercise tonight if there's no softball game. Otherwise, I will do a workout video at home. My team is depending on me so I must do this!!!!

Oh these next few weeks are gonna be TOUGH. Baseball and softball games have started...kind of. Yesterday was supposed to be Christopher's first game but it was rained out. Kayla is supposed to have a softball game tonight...will the fields be dry enough?? So much stuff this month with dance recitals, ballgames, girl scouts, gymnastics, conditioning classes, field trips, end of school year functions, etc.

Tomorrow is a spring social at Christopher's school and it's right after school so that's nice. So I take Kayla to ballet and do her hair, race over to get Christopher and bring him back to dance. Chris will pick him up after work. Meanwhile after ballet comes jazz and it's an in class dress rehearsal. So I must remember her costume. Immediately following jazz is a softball game, so I must remember her uniform. Christopher also plays tomorrow night at 7:30pm. So we should be home around 9:30pm - and that's when we'll start dinner and homework and showers...

Counting today - only 18 more days of school left!!

Exercising SUCKS

So I finally download a C25K app, loaded some music, dusted off the running shoes, and hit the pavement. 30 seconds into it I wanted to die. Last week was my first week, and though I didn't complete it the way you're supposed to, I tried. I'm redoing week one, and still haven't completed it like I'm supposed to. But I'm trying. I've cut WAAAAAAY back on soda and have been drinking lots of water. Somehow I gained 2lbs last week?? I am hoping to make it to Jazzercise tonight - maybe that will defunk me b/c running just isn't my thing. I'd like to be able to run at least one 5k in my life, and I'm hoping for September. We shall see.

I can't believe school is almost over and done. I've been trying to make some summer fun plans - think I'm going to put a bunch of fun things in a jar and have the kids pull one out a day. Trying to come up with new ideas is hard!! Some that I have so far are:

• tye dying shirts
• bleach tye dying shirts
• chalkboard paint something
• make an outdoor twister board
• finger painting
• work on scrapbooks

If anyone has ideas to add, please share them!!!

Trip to the Lake

So we headed to the Lake to do some shopping...for a gun cabinet for Chris's birthday. The cabinet was on clearance and Chris sold me when he said that the kids were old enough now that the guns needed to be properly stored. BUT, had I known that his intentions were to put the gun cabinet in our bedroom I would have said NO!!

Chris dropped Kayla and me off at the outlet stores where we returned some Crocs and bought a new pair, socks and a Crocman - too cute. We hit Gap and got some flip flops and then stopped at Under Armour and got a shirt. By that time the boys were back with the gun cabinet and it was time to head home.

Crocman

Now to prepare for Easter festivities...

Misses Spring Break

Oh how I miss Spring Break. We had such a wonderful, peaceful, no schedule week. It was a slow paced, do whatever, no fighting, no homework week. Why can't we have that every week? I'm so happy tomorrow is Friday because this week has been full of dance, girl scouts, homework, reading, dance, baseball practice, gymnastics, conditioning, parent computer club night at school...I think that's it. Nevermind getting ready for Easter which always seems to sneak up on me.

First Day of School!

Today my baby girl started 1st grade and my baby boy started 5th grade. I can't believe it's Christopher's last year of elementary school. This is also the last year that he and Kayla will ever be in the same school together. That makes me very sad. They are growing up and I don't like it.

But of course we had our share of drama today. I assumed that the shoes we bought in May for Kayla to finish up Kindergarten would fit today. I was wrong. So she had to wear her "new this summer" crocs and I went and bought her the shoes she so terribly wanted, the Twinkle Toes Sketchers. I also had to go and buy Christopher new baseball cleats because the ones we also bought him this past April or May no longer fit. He is 10 years old and is wearing a men's 9 shoe!! I also grabbed the last iCarly lunch box today for Kayla at Target to go with her iCarly backpack - another surprise.

Can't wait to hear about their first day!

Clean Sweep

I spent most of Monday cleaning Christopher's room - top to bottom. WOW - what a difference! I'm on day 2 of cleaning Kayla's room. Tomorrow I should be finished. I did this in hopes of getting them to keep their rooms clean and hopefully we can start off the school year with organized rooms. With a month to go before school starts, I hope these next few weeks we can actually PLAY with our toys that have been buried and just relax and have some FUN!!

Next week we start going through all of last year's school work and this summer's school work, and then I guess I really should start on our bedroom. :-/ We'll see how long this cleaning bug lasts. I hope long enough to get through the whole house - but that's doubtful!!